Proverbs 31:10-12 ESV
“An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.”
One + One doesn’t always equal One
Just because two people are married, even if they both profess faith in Jesus Christ, it doesn’t mean that they are united as one in Christ. And just because a wife (or a husband) is loving, faithful, and does what is good for the other, it doesn’t mean that his or her spouse or his or her children will treat her or him with love and respect.
So, why point this out? It is because sexual immorality and adultery among Christian married couples is predominant these days, and it is because so many young people in this generation are not being taught respect for their parents, or for God, for that matter, and so selfishness abounds.
So, even if a wife (or a husband) is of high moral character and loves her (or his) spouse and children, and does them good, and not harm, it doesn’t mean that she (or he) is going to be loved in return, or that she (or he) will not be abused, cheated on, lied to, and mistreated in return.
So, a woman who is being cheated on by her husband, and lied to, whose husband is committing adultery against her as a matter of deliberate practice, when she reads this, and she gets to the part about her husband trusting and praising her (in sincerity), it may bring her to tears.
For, it may just serve as a painful reminder that her husband doesn’t love her, for love does no deliberate harm to others, and it may be a painful reminder of all the abuse, the mistreatment, the lies, the adulteries, etc. that stab her in the heart each time they occur.
And in her pain and suffering, she may cry out to God in prayer for help to get through every day, and to keep loving her husband, and to keep being the kind of wife that she should be, and to keep on doing good for him, and not harm (no desire to get even).
Hebrews 13:4-6 ESV
“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’ So we can confidently say,
“’The Lord is my helper;
I will not fear;
what can man do to me?’”
It Takes Two to Make it Work
If one spouse is being loving and faithful, not spiteful, but forgiving and restoring, and the other spouse is being unfaithful, not loving, spiteful and willfully doing harm to the other, in practice, the marriage is not being held in honor by both parties, but only by one, and so it is broken.
If one spouse is doing her (or his) part in keeping the marriage bed undefiled, but the other is not, the marriage bed is still defiled. For, it takes two to make a marriage work, and to keep the marriage held in honor and the marriage bed undefiled. If only one is working on this, it is still broken.
And this may not bring much hope or encouragement to the faithful spouse to know that God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous, for that may not be for a long time. And what the faithful spouse really wants is for her (or his) marriage to be restored and for her (or his) spouse to be in right relationship with God, too, so he (or she) will have eternal life with God.
The thought of being married to someone who remains unfaithful, although the unfaithful spouse knows better and has been pleaded with to change, and to have this go on for years, perhaps, without change, and to know one is married to someone who doesn’t love her (or him) is heartbreaking.
And so, the faithful spouse cries out to God in her (or his) suffering, and God assures her (or him) that he will not leave or forsake, that He is our helper, and that we have no cause to fear, for what can another human being do to us that God can’t see us through that situation.
Now this does not mean that other humans can’t do evil to us. They can. Even those closest to us can wield all kinds of intentional harm against us. But they can’t take God away from us, and they can’t thwart his purposes for our lives, although they may try.
Don’t Let Fear Overtake You
God is still sovereign over all that he has made. He is still in control. Jesus Christ is still our Savior and Lord, and the Holy Spirit is still our comforter and encourager. Nothing is going to touch our lives but what God allows it, and he allows it for a purpose, to make us holy and to purify our hearts.
So, if this is where you are, in a marriage where your spouse is habitually and deliberately choosing adultery over the marriage, and God has led you to remain in that marriage relationship, then trust the Lord. Do not give way to fear. Keep loving your spouse. Keep forgiving, but also keep insisting on faithfulness and let your spouse know you are there to help.
Don’t let fear overtake you. Don’t let the “what ifs” get the best of you. Don’t be afraid of what the future holds for you or of having to endure even more of the same, perhaps until you die. Let the Lord change you, purify you, mature you in him, and teach you what he wants you to learn.
And then just keep following the Lord in surrender to his will for your life. Keep doing whatever it is he has called you to do, and don’t fear opposition, either, or other people hating you. The Lord is with you. He will not leave you or forsake you if you are his. Just learn what he wants you to learn, and then let him use that in your life for his glory and purposes.
An Original Work / July 15, 2013
My heart cries: Lord, won’t You hear me
Seeking You for the answers
To my heartache and questions
I have concerning my life?
Speak, Lord, to me right now.
“Oh, dear one, why don’t you trust Me
With your life’s circumstances?
Give your all on the altar
In submission of your will
To My purpose for you.
“Surrender your life completely
To your Lord and your Savior.
He has all things planned for you
For His glory and honor.
He’ll work all things for good.
“Believe Him. He will fulfill all
Of His promises to you
For your life and your future.
Trust Him. Rest in His love.
He’ll give you peace from above.”