Chap 8: Resting in Him

I Married My Dad

Chapter Eight

Resting in Him

January 17, 2018

Have you ever fallen and skinned your knee? Did it get bloody and did it sting, too? What did you do about it? You probably washed it with soapy water, and rinsed it with clear water, and then patted it dry, and then stopped the bleeding by holding a cloth on it for a minute or two. And then you probably put some type of antibiotic ointment on it and then covered it with a bandage, and then you waited for it to heal.

But, while you were waiting for it to heal, you probably were really careful to not reinjure it, and you most likely gave it extra special care, as well. But, the healing still took time, and during that time you had to keep it clean and covered, too.

Now, let me ask you another question. Have you ever had your heart wounded? It is not as simple to fix that as it is a scraped knee, is it? You can’t just wash it with soapy water and hold something on it to stop the bleeding, and you can’t just cover it with a bandage, either, and expect that it will heal in due time. In fact, it probably won’t heal at all if all you do is cover it up, which is what many people do.

Now, let’s go back to the illustration of the injured knee. What if, after you did all of that for your knee, that someone came along and hit it with a baseball bat, and that was followed by someone else taking a knife to it. And, what if, while the knee was trying to heal, that others kept coming along and hitting it or taking a stab at it, or what if they ripped off your bandage and tore some skin off your knee and then they threw salt on it or dirt or acid, and that this continued day in and day out, year after year after year. Would your knee ever have the chance to heal? Not likely. You would definitely be the walking wounded.

Well, women who have been abused by their sex addicted husbands are like that knee that has not much of a chance to heal because they keep getting injured over and over again. As soon as they are trying to work through and pray through one situation, they are hit with another, and then another.

It may be that they are discovering what their husbands are doing in the way of having extra-marital affairs, visiting massage parlors or going to prostitutes, sexting other women or men, having sexual relations with people of the same sex, exposing themselves, looking at pornography or at child pornography, sexually abusing small children (boys and girls), and the list goes on and on. And, the thing of it is, many of these men claim to be Christians, and some are even pastors.

But, it isn’t just that, though. But, then their husbands blame them for it, they are mean, hateful and nasty, and they make cutting and unkind remarks, and they treat their wives like they are dirt under their feet for them to walk all over. And they threaten them or they intimidate them into not telling anyone this is happening. Or, even if the wives get the courage to tell someone, they will often be treated badly by pastors or counselors or by other church people or by friends and family who will take the side of the abuser and who will treat the abused as though he or she is the bad one, thus only adding more injury to the wounds which are already being injured over and over again.

Help Needed!

Even if these women have a very strong faith in Jesus Christ, and they go to God in prayer and in his Word daily, to seek the Lord’s counsel in these matters, that doesn’t stop the hits from coming. In fact, the hits may even increase in severity, because God may be showing the wives what their husbands are doing, or he may be leading them to confront their husbands or to try to set reasonable boundaries for their marriage relationships, and thus they may face much opposition and even greater abuse from their husbands.

And, then if they have no support system in place, they may feel very isolated and alone and their husbands may convince them that they are the problem or that they are crazy for questioning their husbands’ actions. These men are really good at knowing how to manipulate their wives and to say things to them in such a way as to get them to shut up and to give up and to leave them alone.

So, before they can even get one wound healed, another hit takes place, and then another, and then they have obligations to fulfill, small children to care for, jobs to go to, bills to pay, meals to cook, houses to clean, laundry to do, and food to buy, etc. And all the while they are carrying around within them all this hurt, and they feel like they can’t tell anyone or they will be rejected even more, or hurt even deeper, and that does happen in many cases, too, so that is not an unreasonable fear.

They may not even be holding on to the pain on purpose, though some do. Some get bitter and they get even, and they stubbornly hold on to unforgiveness and refuse to let it go. But, others don’t want to hold on to the pain, and they want to be healed, and they are crying it out to God, and they are praying, and seeking God’s face, but it is a constant battle sometimes just to keep their heads above water and to not fall to pieces. Even Paul said this:

We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. 2 Corinthians 1:8-9 NIV

Wow! That says it, doesn’t it? That is what it is like for many, many women whose husbands are under the control of Satan and who are being ruled by the lusts of the flesh rather than submitting to the God many of them claim to know and to worship.

And, sometimes it builds up without us even realizing it, because we don’t have the time to get it all out, to cry all the pain out to God, and to let him take it and to heal us, because the wounds just keep getting stabbed and hit and salt thrown on them. And, then one day the floodgates open up and it all just comes out, and then we can feel God’s healing power at work in the wounds of our hearts, and his comfort and his love and care for us.

But, then more hits happen oftentimes, and so then what do we do? We can’t let them pile up. We can’t let the hits take us out and undo us. So, we have to make time for ourselves to get alone with God so we can work all this craziness out in our heads and be encouraged by the Lord, and comforted by his Word, and directed by his counsel as what to do, and how to respond, and to not internalize the pain but to keep giving it to God over and over and over again, letting him heal us, and guide us, and strengthen us and teach us what we need to learn through our pain.

Paul learned to not rely on himself but on God, and that is a good lesson to learn. We can’t do this! No one can! Maybe there are some really strong people out there somewhere who can let these kinds of things just roll off them, but I am not one of those. I never have been. I bleed! And, it stings. And, I cry, and I pray, and I hold on to hope where there seems to be no hope sometimes. And, sometimes all I can say is “Help!” And, God comes to the rescue. And, he has just the right words I need to hear so that I will keep pressing on, and keep loving others with God’s love, even at the risk of personal injury and of false accusations and even more abuse or betrayal or lies or cutting remarks or rejection, etc.

But, if we are going to stay with our husbands, and not all women do, but because the Lord encourages us to do so, and he says to trust him with them, and with our circumstances, then we have to make certain that we keep letting go of the pain and that we keep giving it over to God, and that we allow him to fill us with his peace, and joy, and strength, and comfort, and hope and encouragement. He will be there for us always. He will never abandon us. He is our anchor, and on him we can always depend. There is always hope when we look to our Lord and when we give our suffering over to him, and we submit to his will for our lives. Then, the peace comes, and then the joy comes, too, because we are now resting in him.

Jesus, I am Resting, Resting
Jean Sophia Pigott

Jesus, I am resting, resting,
In the joy of what Thou art;
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart.
Thou hast bid me gaze upon Thee,
And Thy beauty fills my soul,
For by Thy transforming power,
Thou hast made me whole.

O, how great Thy loving kindness,
Vaster, broader than the sea!
O, how marvelous Thy goodness,
Lavished all on me!
Yes, I rest in Thee, Belovèd,
Know what wealth of grace is Thine,
Know Thy certainty of promise,
And have made it mine.

Simply trusting Thee, Lord Jesus,
I behold Thee as Thou art,
And Thy love, so pure, so changeless,
Satisfies my heart;
Satisfies its deepest longings,
Meets, supplies its every need,
Compasseth me round with blessings:
Thine is love indeed!

Ever lift Thy face upon me
As I work and wait for Thee;
Resting ‘neath Thy smile, Lord Jesus,
Earth’s dark shadows flee.
Brightness of my Father’s glory,
Sunshine of my Father’s face,
Keep me ever trusting, resting,
Fill me with Thy grace.

Jesus, I am resting, resting,
In the joy of what Thou art;
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart.

3 thoughts on “Chap 8: Resting in Him

    1. Thank you, Rick, for sharing this message on your blog. I hope many who read this will take it to heart, and that the truth of this will lead many who find themselves in your position to come to grips with the reality of what their actions are doing to their precious wives, and to their relationships with their Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Me too, Sue. It was such a good illustration of how you and so many women are impacted not only by our addiction, but also by our complacency and our denials and our reluctance to take ownership of our behavior and allow God to change us at the heart level. Should have listened to you and your heart decades ago but wasted all those years on myself and swinging baseball bats instead of growing up.

        Liked by 1 person

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