I Married My Dad
January 14, 2018
Hello! My name is Sue J Love. I am the wife of a recovering sex (lust) addict. His name is Rick Love. Rick and I are making our story public now, in the hope that we can help others who are going through what we have been through together, and are still in the process of working through before God.
Thus, the Lord Jesus has led me to write this book, “I Married My Dad,” which is a story of sexual (lust) addiction, abuse, lies, deception, rage, adultery, and wounded hearts. Yet, it is also a story of hope, healing, forgiveness, restoration, and deliverance.
It is my prayer, that as you read this, and as you identify with any of what we have gone through, and you read what the Lord has taught me or Rick through it all, that you will, as well, find hope and healing through Jesus Christ, for by his stripes we are healed.
I came to this realization of Rick’s sexual (lust) addiction not many years ago, even though my husband and I have been married for forty-five years. Early on I had no clue what I was getting into by marrying him. I loved him, and I thought he was the one for me. I knew he had issues. We both did, but I thought they were issues that would be worked out in our marriage. I did not realize what all he was involved in, or the fact that he brought sexual addiction into our marriage relationship.
Suffice it to say, this has been a rocky road for us, and it isn’t over.
Although my husband just made a confession of Christ as Lord of his life on January 9, 2018, and he has stated that he has now given his life over to Jesus Christ, he has had a lifetime of lust (sex) addiction and of being under Satan’s control. So, this is going to be a process of recovery and of undoing the damage which was done, of confessions of wrongdoing, and restitution, of forgiving others and himself, and of asking others for forgiveness. As well, it is going to be a process of healing his own damaged emotions due to his lifestyle of choice over, at least, the last fifty years.
The Breaking Point
I think the breaking point for me, in our marriage, although I had many, came in 2004. My husband was going for his ordination with our church denomination, and I was going for my consecration. We were going to be church planters through our church denomination, for the second time. I thought we were both doing well spiritually, so I thought we were on this path together. But, it didn’t take long to realize that he was still getting into pornography regularly, and not doing his assignments, while I was busy doing my homework assignments, and taking them very seriously.
The Lord finally led me to bow out of going for my consecration and to bow out of planting a church, too, which just angered my husband. He could not understand why I was quitting. But, this was “the straw that broke the camel’s back,” for me, after a long string of those straws, and over multiple years of dealing with his sexual addiction, and seeing no real change, although he kept promising change.
Yet, while I was training for my consecration, I attended a conference for those in ministry within our church denomination. My husband was supposed to attend, too, but he had hurt his back, and he couldn’t go. So, I went without him to represent our little congregation of college-age adults.
We had been ministering to these young adults for 6 years out of our home, a total of 7.5 years, altogether, and now some of them wanted to make this ministry their church home. So, that is why we began this process of getting ready to become church planters.
Anyway… back to the conference… It was there that God laid another ministry on my heart – one I would never have thought of. He spoke to me through this scripture:
“Then the Lord replied:
“Write down the revelation
and make it plain on tablets
so that a herald may run with it.
For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
it speaks of the end
and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
it will certainly come
and will not delay.”
(Habakkuk 2:2-3 NIV)
What the Lord said to me through that passage of scripture was that I was to write down the revelation (what he taught me from his Word each day), and that I was to make it plain on tablets (on my computer, on MS Word), and that I was to give it to a herald (the internet) so that the herald (or the runner) could “Run With It.”
I didn’t quite have that completeness of understanding immediately. But, I understood that I was to write what he showed me, and that I was to put it on the internet. So, next I went in search for places on the internet where I could share what the Lord was teaching me. Then, by the summer of 2006, the Lord had me writing on the internet, nearly every day, all that he was teaching me through his Word, including how it was to be applied to the world, to the church, and to our individual lives today.
Over time, I added on a blog, and then I had my own website for a while, and then I started another blog. I ended up naming both of these first two blogs “Run With It.” The first blog, http://christsfreeservant.blogspot.com/, began in 2008, and the second blog, https://runwithit.blog/, in 2014.
Things Got Bad
The college ministry continued another year and a half, and then it came to an end. My husband and I ceased doing ministry together from that moment on, other than he has helped give me technological assistance here and there, when I have needed it, and, at times, he was somewhat supportive, or he appeared to be.
When the college ministry closed its doors is when my writing ministry really took a forward leap, and God began having me write out my devotions each day and to place them on the internet, so that the “herald” could “Run With It.”
And, this is also when things began to get so much worse between me and my husband, because the Lord was not only teaching me things through his Word, but he was revealing to me the things my husband was doing behind closed doors, and so I was now confronting my husband with his sins, which only angered him. And, that began cycles of conversations about his sins, which now turned into him showing obvious hatred and outbursts of anger toward me. At times, it got really ugly, too, as the hatred and bitterness towards me spewed out of his mouth, and as he stomped on my heart over and over again.
But, the Lord was with me through it all, and he carried me through it. My responses were not always gracious, as there were times when he would push me to the point of anger due to all the lies he kept spewing forth. I hate lies! God hates lies!! But, the Lord has been growing me through it all, and he has been teaching me better ways of responding and communicating.
And, I have been growing closer to my Lord, stronger in my faith, and even more determined than ever to live in holiness, in purity, and to keep fighting the good fight of faith until my Lord takes me home.