About a month ago I joined Substack, an internet site which is presently open for people to write and to express their beliefs, thoughts, and opinions on various subjects. One of the writers, a man, is presently encouraging men in how they should treat their wives. And that has inspired me to write, from a woman’s perspective, and from a biblical perspective, what that should look like if men who are married truly love their wives as they ought. So I am going to quote some selected passages of Scripture on this subject.
I am reading in Ephesians 5 in the NASB1995 Bible translation.
“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.” (vv. 1,2)
“But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you… For this you know with certainty, that no immoral or impure person or covetous man, who is an idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.” (vv. 3,5)
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her… So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies… nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church… For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” (vv. 25,28,29,31)
Presently, we live in a day and age when sexual immorality has not only skyrocketed, but it is being normalized and accepted and even catered to within the gatherings of probably the vast majority of what are called “churches” here in the USA. And this involves not just men, but women, children, and pastors of church congregations who are engaged in sexual immorality, specifically in addiction to pornography. Predominantly it is men who do this, and men are the ones who are to lead their wives spiritually.
So, because this is being normalized in our society and within many of the gatherings of “the church,” and not much is being done biblically to bring this to a halt (see 1 Corinthians 5:1-13), this is so widespread that it is destroying marriages and family relationships and the minds and hearts of young children, all of whom (or most of whom) have free access to the internet via smartphones, often which are not being regulated or monitored, or are being monitored only slightly, with work arounds for smart minds.
So, for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, the first step has to be the forsaking of all sinful habits via genuine biblical repentance, via confession of sin and the asking for forgiveness, and then surrendering their lives to Jesus Christ to now do his will and to obey his commands and to live holy lives, pleasing to God. Christ must now be Lord of their lives and no longer their sinful flesh, and their wives have to be top priority in their lives, next to God, in unity with her.
For a husband’s role is not to be domineering and to rule harshly over his wife, but he is to lead her by example in what it looks like biblically to be a follower of Jesus Christ. And he is to give his life up for her, to do for her what is for her good, and what is loving, kind, thoughtful, understanding, compassionate, generous, caring, forgiving, honest, and faithful, joined together with her as one flesh, one unit, not to be separated by lies, adultery, abuse, and misuse, but as though they are literally one person.
So, as a woman who is 76 years old, married to the same man for 53.5 years, a mother of 4 (+4), the grandmother of 14 (+2), and the great-grandmother of 2, and who has been serving the Lord with her life most all of her life (with a short time of moral failure a very long time ago), I am going to give some of my own counsel to married men in how they should treat their wives with honor, value, and respect, being loving, patient, kind, compassionate, and tenderhearted, in unity with her as one flesh.
- If she wants to talk, listen to her undistracted, paying close attention
- If she gets something wrong, don’t treat her like she is stupid
- If she has a suggestion or some counsel to share, listen to her
- If she all of a sudden wants to go somewhere, take her if you can
- If she has a job or a ministry, share with her in household chores
- If she asks how you are doing spiritually, be honest with her
- If she has some godly counsel for you, accept it gratefully
- If she begs you to stop cheating and to be faithful, do it lovingly
- If she feels threatened by competition, don’t mock her, honor her
- In everything that you do, love her as Christ loved the church
In Harmony
Based off Romans 12:9-21; 1 Peter 3:8-17
An Original Work / September 2, 2012
Christ’s Free Servant, Sue J Love
Love each other truly.
Cling to what is good.
Hate all that is evil.
Never lack in zeal.
Serve the Lord with fervor.
Joyful in hope be;
Patient in affliction;
Praying faithfully.
Honor one another.
Live in harmony.
Share with all God’s people
Who are found in need.
Do not be conceited.
Sympathetic be.
Love, and show compassion
In humility.
Keep your tongue from evil.
Peaceful you must be.
Honor one another.
Live in harmony.
God sees who are righteous;
Listens to their prayers.
But He’s against evil –
Is His to avenge.
Do not fear what they fear.
Suffer patiently.
In your hearts, make Christ Lord.
Serve Him faithfully.
Honor one another.
Live in harmony.
Husbands, Love Your Wives
An Original Work / March 2, 2026
Christ’s Free Servant, Sue J Love
Walking Wounded 